May Page Done

Here's my May page. As always, it is subject to interpretation as you wish. To me, it's about moving through time/space toward a future (the sunrise), having to rely on a whimsical universe to get me there, or somewhere. The 5 moons could be possibilities, or just mean that it is May. I'm not thinking too deeply about this one, I just liked the image that appeared of a cat riding on a fish.

Emily Update

Emily did wake up hungry (and thanks for your kind wishes about that, Anita!) but not until this morning. Yesterday I was able to coax her into eating a small amount of her very favorite fish, and this morning she was demanding more, and ate most of it. She's still ill, but it looks as if she's on the way to feeling a lot better. It's still day by day, but her energy has improved greatly. I'm less worried and more happy.

My Friend, Emily

I took this picture at 12 noon Thursday, the 27th.

Emily is not going to eat. She hates her potassium supplement gel. She's not going to drink, either. So there. Right now she's hiding under and behind our bed, so from now on no medications or food will be given to her in there. The bedroom can be Emily's perfect safe place.

Roughly a year ago, Emily was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. She's not a cat who will take pills, but we were keeping her weight up by giving her a few smaller meals throughout the day. She was at 4lbs and 6oz at that time, and we had managed to slowly get her weight over 5lbs and she was doing well, though always a picky eater. About a week and a half ago, her weight suddenly started to drop and she stopped eating much, began throwing up, then sopped eating altogether. We took her into the vet's for treatment on Tuesday, then again for a recheck today. She hadn't eaten, except for a few teaspoons of baby food that I had to put onto her tongue to get her to swallow. She's now so thin and angular, she looks like a very old, very ill cat. The change has been shocking and scary.

I don't know what will happen from now, if she'll wake up tomorrow, hungry and willing to eat. She would not eat anything this evening. Our veterinarian, Dr. McCoy, gave her a shot of vitamin B-12 and some cortisone, to stimulate her appetite and give her some energy. According to the vet, if this doesn't get her to eat, it is unlikely that anything will. She got another 100cc of fluids, and we'll be giving her 100cc here once or twice a day, even if she tries to kill us, and she will. It looks like she's in kidney failure, and at 10 years old, that's a little early in her life for that, but each cat is different and sometimes has unfortunate surprises for us. I'm giving her reiki, of course, but from a distance right now. Hands-on reiki seems too much for her. I've known Emily since she was a month old, a little wild kitten in McLaren Park in San Francisco. I don't want to lose my friend, and I don't want to watch her die, but it never matters what we want in these cases -- it is all up to the cat.

I'm all tired out by now, and worried. Tomorrow I'll treat myself to a day of working on my BJP page. It will be soothing to work with beads and colors.

It's JackBoots!

Click image for bigger

He's not just for breakfast, any more!

Life Going On...

I've been looking at schools for the past few weeks, with a view to learn a skill that will get me some kind of paying employment. So far I've seen hair design/cosmetology schools, culinary schools, community college programs in interior design, graphic design, and the like, and last of all art schools with similar programs. A lot of what I run into is that many of the design and career programs in these schools want me to get a BA or BFA degree, which I have zero interest in doing. I want to learn something and go do it, and not be bogged down with extraneous classes that someone else has decided I need to take to be "well rounded." I hated that kind of thing in my twenties, and I am unwilling to put up with it now. I've been leaning strongly toward baking and pastry, which is a science and an art. It could be cool, making beautiful loaves of bread early in the morning...

Yesterday, at my husband's insistence, I went over to the Oregon College of Arts and Crafts for a look around. They offer several programs, including a 3-year studio-based Certificate program, which is all about developing and improving studio skills, and a minimum of other kinds of classes. It was a big mistake to go there, and I regret it intensely. If ever there were a perfect place and learning environment for me, Oregon College of Art and Craft would be it. They not only have all the different fields, and all their associated toys equipment, they strongly encourage learning at least something about pretty much everything. When I told the admissions person that I had a hard time limiting myself to just one thing, and that I thought all media could fit together, she said, "You've just stated the philosophy of this school." *Sigh...* Art school is wrong, and impractical, and way, way, WAY too expensive. At the end of it, I'd be an independent artist, with a huge debt, and right now I'm an artist with much less debt. It would allow me to really explore my options in fiber, metals, design, photography, and more, if I wanted to check out woods, ceramics, or book arts, or even blacksmithing. The class sizes are very small, which ideally suits my learning style. And they teach textile design! Art school would help me to get that professional finish on my work that I so want to achieve, and will connect me up with galleries and the like. I went over there hoping to hate the place, and that's impossible -- it is an absolutely beautiful campus and very, very well equipped with pretty much everything you'd need to learn whatever you're interested in learning. The people who work there and go to school there love it. You know how it is when you arrive at a place that is just right and you know you belong there... ? My heart is completely broken. There is NO MONEY FOR THIS, nor will there ever be.

I'm now working on May BJP page, which I'll finish tonight or tomorrow. It's been going okay, fitting it in between other events and paying work. I hope to retro-fit March in pretty soon.

I have to find some way to come up with a house payment and payment for some bills, after emergency ($$) denti$try for Tom and emergency vet visit for Emily Cat ($$) this week, and my getting a pass to the Summit of Awesome conference before the other two things occurred... We're in yet another state of dire financial suspense, wondering about where the house payment will come from, etc., and I'm thinking about a 3-year, full time arts program against all common sense. It is time for fear and panic, if anything, and yet I'm feeling kind of... bubbly and relaxed today. Maybe I've lost all my grip on reality, or I'm just living up to my potential for irresponsibility.

Beginning...

It's another no sleep night. But it's warm and the cats have stopped arguing, and I'm wanting to take out some beads and do something with them. My blank piece of cloth with the 3" x 3" square marked on it is lurking next to the printer, and I'm feeling restless in that way I get when it's time to do artwork -- even if that time is nearly 5am and I'm starting to see things blurry. I think a lot of things will get clearer in my mind while I work on something. Looking through the latest issue of Beadwork, which is 98% necklaces, earrings, and bracelets and not much embroidery, inspires me, mainly, I think, with color and materials choices. That kind of got me thinking about beading a piece right about now, and I started looking through reference books, and now I'm looking at that empty piece of cloth...

I'm at that place where I'm restless and wakeful, just on the point of starting something new, but not ready, quite, to place that first bead, take that first stitch. It's an interesting and jittery place to be, kind of exciting, kind of hesitant, very familiar. Tom and I had planned to go out Sunday, but that was before I paid the bills. I'll take that time we would have gone out to work on art. But I'll set up my beginning now, before I sleep, clearing space, pulling out colors I may or may not use, picking out stones, or charms, or random pieces of whatever I come across in my storage drawers. I'll pick something up, and sew it down. Maybe I'll still like it there tomorrow, and maybe not, but I will have started a new piece, at last.

April BJP

I'm still working on March, but here's April. Usually I go for the deep, intense colors, and this time I found myself using lighter colored beads, and watch parts. And again, I'm not sure whether this is actually the right way up. It's always subject to change without notice. In some way, this is all about my birthday -- the actual day of my birth, not the anniversary. This isn't something I generally give much thought to, and I don't even celebrate my birthdate at all, but I've been having to look at life and death lately, so this idea came up as I worked. I'm not sure what I'm trying to tell myself right now, though. This piece was enjoyable to work on throughout, which is different. Usually I really dislike a piece as I work through the middle part, and may not warm to it until it's all finished. I think that the colors refreshed me. :- )